So if my friend says something like, “So what are your views on same-sex marriage?” I can reply by saying that I have the same view as that of Jesus. For example, Jesus believed in true inclusion by eating and drinking with those who disagreed with him. After all, if we only eat with those who agree with us then we’re practicing exclusion by excluding those who disagree with us. Jesus also believed in unconditional love by telling his followers to love and bless those who disagreed with them. But Jesus tells his followers to especially love those who disagree with them. That is the mark of a true follower of Jesus. So if we believe in true inclusion and unconditional love, then we also have to be able to disagree with each other. But what is the basis of our disagreement? When it comes to issues of sex and morality, we all believe that some forms of sex are good, but there are other forms of sex that are wrong. In other words, we all have sexual norms, whether we realize it or not. But how do we decide where that line is drawn? What is the basis for our norms? As followers of Jesus, we believe that Jesus is the basis for our norms. Jesus is the one who loved us, made us, and he gets to tell us what to do. This is where I like to point out that, on an issue such as same-sex marriage, if we’re disagreeing, it’s not over issues of love, inclusion, or human rights. If we’re disagreeing, it’s over what Jesus tells us is normative.

Second, alternatively, I can say, “Let me tell you something from the Bible.” The advantage of this approach is that most of our non-believing friends have no idea what’s in the Bible. They might have some poor caricatures of what they think the Bible says, but they’ve never actually read or heard the Bible for themselves. But if we give them a chance to hear from the Bible, they will discover for themselves how fresh, disarming, and counter-cultural the Bible’s message is. Moreover, I tend to tell them a story from the Bible, because this allows them to imagine the Bible’s worldview, rather than merely give them an argument to argue against.

So if my friend says something like, “What’s it like to be a Christian?” I can tell them a story about Jesus from the Bible. Depending on the context, I might tell them the story of Jesus healing the paralyzed man who was lowered through the roof on a mat by his friends (Luke 5:17-26). Afterwards I might ask them, “Why would Jesus do that?” and see what my friend says. Or, in another context, I might tell them the story of Jesus turning water into wine (John 2:1-12). I love this story, because it’s so disarming! What on earth is Jesus doing—giving so much good wine to people who had already drunk enough? It’s not what we would do. So I ask them, “Why would Jesus do that?” After my friend has had a go trying to answer, they will probably then want me to tell them what I think is the answer. I usually say something like, “Partly Jesus did this to give us an image of what life is like with Jesus both now in this life and in the life to come. So if you think that by following Jesus in this life, you will miss out, you’re wrong. It’s actually the opposite. By not following Jesus in this life you will miss out.” And then I see where the conversation might go from there.

Or sometimes I like to tell the story that Jesus tells about the Pharisee and the tax-collector (Luke 18:9-14). Afterwards, I explain that the Pharisee’s prayer today would sound like this: “Dear God, I thank you that I’m better than most people. I give my money to charity. I don’t cheat on my wife. I go to all of my children’s plays, concerts, and awards nights. And I go to church twice on Sundays—both the traditional and contemporary services.” So I ask my friends, “Why does he not get saved, according to Jesus?” After they have a go trying to answer, they will probably want to hear my answer. I can then say something like, “We often think of sin as breaking laws. But for most of the part, Jesus explains sin as being puffed up. It’s that feeling we all get when we recycle. Or when we brag about our family in a Christmas newsletter. Or when we turn off our lights on Earth Day.” Then I can ask them, “So what do you think the tax-collector did to get saved?” After they have a go at answering, I can say something like, “According to Jesus, it’s because the tax-collector humbled himself and trusted in God.” Then I can say that being a Christian is all about being humble. On the one hand, it’s humbling. But, on the other hand, it’s the most empowering thing ever, because it’s about what God has done for us, which is more than what we can ever do for ourselves.

Third, as another option, I can share a personal story. The advantage of this is that stories are naturally engaging. They win over the emotion. They appeal to experience. Nobody can argue against a story. So if my non-believing friend asks me, “What about those who haven’t heard about Jesus?” I usually tell them the story about my friend Michael. I tell them how I went through Bible College with Michael. Michael grew up in Iran, which was closed to Christianity. He had no access to the Bible, churches, or the Christian message. But one night, Jesus came to Michael in a dream, and ever since that day, Michael has believed in Jesus. I can also tell them about Sharon [name changed] who was from China. I met her on a tour group in Israel and asked her how she became a Christian. She told me that, while she was living in China, Jesus appeared to her in a dream. But ever since she became a Christian, went to church, and had access to the Bible, Jesus has no longer come to her in a dream. The dreams have stopped. From these stories I tell people, “I believe that God finds creative ways of making himself known, especially to those without access to the Bible. But, according to Jesus, the Bible is the clearest message about God that there is (Luke 16:31). So, for those of us with access to the Bible, God doesn’t have to find these creative ways. After all, we’ve got the Bible!”