Hopefully you can see how wisdom provides an entry point into conversations about weighty matters. But it’s more than that. Our wise way of life also makes what we say to be more plausible. I believe that when we in the West were part of a Christianized culture, we used to argue and teach in this sequence: (1) what I say is true; (2) if it’s true, then you must believe it; and (3) if you believe it, you must live it. While this is the correct ontological sequence, now that we’re part of post-Christian cultures, a better pedagogical sequence to help our friends discover this might be: (1) what you see is a wiser way to live; (2) but if it’s a wiser way to live, then it’s also more believable; (3) but if it’s believable; you need to consider that it might also be true.

I love how in recent times, this expression has become popular: “How’s that working for you?” If you’re not familiar with this expression, it’s actually a derogative put-down. Let’s say your friend says, “I’ve decided not to sleep so I can spend more time watching night-time TV,” or “I’ve been on a popcorn-only diet for the last month,” or “I’m not going to study for the exam.” This is where you say, “So how’s that working for you?” The implied message is that your friend is doing something unwise so it can’t possibly be working well for them.

Conversely, if we live wisely, by and large it should work well for us. When this happens, just like with the lawn expert, people will want to listen to us. They will bring up weighty matters and want to hear what we have to say. By being wise, we create opportunities for these conversations. And we will make the Christian worldview more plausible.

9. Become the de facto chaplain in their lives

My friend Craig is a military chaplain. He spent a few years with his unit of soldiers when they were deployed in Afghanistan. There, his unit experienced many of the tragedies of war. As a result, he was often called upon to conduct funerals, provide counselling, and comfort the soldiers. But the commanding officer of this unit was an atheist—a strict, outspoken, non-believer. He had no time for religion or other such nonsense. But one day the commanding officer asked Craig to come into his office and to close the door behind him. The unit had gone through a few troubling weeks where traumas and tragedies were still confronting, raw and hurting. The commanding officer asked Craig to sit down. Then he looked Craig in the eyes for a long time before finally saying, “I need you to pray for me.” And so Craig did.

My chaplain friends—military, hospital, or school—say this is very normal. They tell me that our secular friends can be very firm in their non-belief. But there will be times of crisis that cry out for a transcendent act or word, in order for anything to make sense. And it’s at those moments where they turn to you, the chaplain, to be that transcendent voice. They want (and need!) you to speak on behalf of God. To give some meaning and coherency. To perform a sacred ritual.

In our present secular age, Christians have the opportunity to be the unofficial de facto chaplains to our skeptical friends. This is exactly what happened to my friend Peter. He and his wife have invested time, over the last few years, to get to know a family from work. They’ve gone to their parties, and they’ve invited them over to their place for meals. Recently, the family lost a loved one, and they rang up Peter, basically to be comforted. They also asked Peter to say some words at the funeral. And they asked Peter to speak to their grandson, over the phone (with all the other members of the family listening in!) about whether or not his grandmother was in heaven or hell. A few weeks after the funeral, Peter and his wife visited the family at their home and provided a meal. When Peter told me this story, I said to him, “Can you see what’s happened? You became their unofficial, de facto chaplain!”

At my work as a doctor in the hospital, I similarly take an interest in my work friends’ lives. I ask them about what they’ve got planned for the weekend. But I go further than this. The following week, I’ll resume the conversation and ask them about what they told me they were going to do for the weekend. They are astonished that I remembered! I also ask them about their family. But I go further than this. I’ll remember the names of their children, what sports they play, and what grade they’re in at school. So I can resume the conversation and ask, “So how did Dan do in his school basketball game?” And they’re astonished that I remembered. I will also make sure I greet all the cleaners by name and treat them as equally important members of the health care team. Can you see what’s happening? Bit by bit, I’m showing that I care about their personal lives, in a pastoral and appropriate way.

After I’ve earned enough trust, I can start asking things like, “How’s Dan doing at school?” And I can follow up with questions that invite them to be more open, like, “How are things at home?” And then, if they feel like talking, I can ask more probing questions, “How does that make you feel?” or “How are you coping with it?” Bit by bit, I’m showing that I’m a caring and empathetic ear. And bit by bit they will start opening up to me about the concerns of life. Because, bit by bit, I have positioned myself into their lives as their unofficial, de facto chaplain.

10. Look for “Black Swan” moments

In 2007, Nassim Nicholas Taleb wrote The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable. This groundbreaking book spent almost a year in the New York Times bestseller list. In this book, Taleb argues that many momentous events are outliers that could not have been predicted. These events occur tangentially, and were not even what the discoverers were looking for in the first place. For example, no one discovered penicillin by planning to look for this antibiotic. Instead, it was “discovered” as a random accident, when Dr Alexander Fleming found that the mold on his Petri dish unexpectantly killed bacteria. Taleb’s book concludes that we should embrace the seemingly randomness of life’s events and just go out there and see what happens. We won’t find what we’re looking for, but something else that we’re not looking for will find us.

Much of evangelism occurs the same way. Often we go out looking for opportunities to evangelize, but they just don’t happen. Instead, we should just go out there—and be Jesus to the community—and the opportunities to evangelize will find us.

For example, a few years ago my wife Stephanie was in a busy shopping mall, along with our three young boys—at that stage aged 3, 5, and 7. It was crowded and late in the afternoon (after school). The boys were tired and hungry. But Steph noticed that there was a young Asian lady, holding her baby daughter, who was extremely distressed. So Steph asked this lady, who is called Holly, if everything was OK. Holly replied that she could not find her elderly mother, who could not speak any English, in the crowded shopping mall. Worse, the mother had the baby carriage—along with Holly’s purse, money, mobile phone, and food for the baby!

Steph offered to help Holly look for her mother. So they spent the next 2-3 hours looking for the mother. This included walking up and down the shopping mall, visiting other shops outside of the mall, and even calling the police to report her missing. During this time, Steph offered food to Holly so she could feed her hungry baby. Finally, after almost giving up, they found the mother. Holly, of course, thanked Steph profusely for her time. But at that moment, Steph was also able to invite Holly to come to the playgroup at our church.

So Holly started coming to our church’s playgroup. From there we invited Holly to come to our church. Holly’s husband, Chris, was also so thankful to Steph that he accompanied Holly to our church. When Chris saw all the happy families worshiping at the church, he said to Holly, “Whatever these people believe, we also have to believe the same thing!”