How to Talk to Skeptical Friends About Things that Matter
by Sam Chan
Introduction
For the Christmas break, I watched Bumblebee (2018), which is a fun installment in the Transformers franchise. In the final scene, after good has triumphed over evil, the potential boyfriend, Memo (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.), tries to hold the hand of the female hero, Charlie (Hailee Steinfeld). But Charlie smiles and brushes Memo’s hand away. She says something like, “No. Not ready.” It’s a nice way to end the movie because we have the unresolved tension between Charlie and Memo. Will they become girlfriend and boyfriend? At this stage, we won’t know.
But at the same time, it shows the dilemma that Memo faces. Right now he’s stuck in the dreaded Friendzone. From here, if he over-plays his romantic intentions, he will drive her away. But if he under-plays his romantic intentions, he will miss out on the opportunity to date her. Maybe she would’ve loved to be his girlfriend, if only he’d had the courage to ask!
This is similar to the dilemma many of us face as Christians. How can we talk to our non-believing, skeptical friends about things that matter? Right now, we’re in a similar Friendzone. But we want them to be more than just our friends. We want them also to have the opportunity to know, love, and worship Jesus. But if we over-play this, we risk driving them away. They might never want to have another awkward conversation with us again. But if we under-play this, our friends will never have the chance to hear about Jesus. Maybe they would’ve gladly believed in Jesus, if only we had told them, but we didn’t!
So how can we get the balance right? Let me share with you ten pointers that might help. I’m not saying that they’re the best way of doing this. Nor am I saying that they’re the only way of doing this, as if you did this any other way you’d be doing it the wrong way. All I’m doing is sharing ten suggestions that are working for me, and maybe they’ll also work for you.
1. Be realistic about how much “talking” you’ll actually be doing1
Recently I was in the hospital for over two weeks as a patient. To pass the time, I watched several of Aaron Sorkin’s movies—A Few Good Men, Molly’s Game, and The American President. These movies don’t have gunfights, car chases, or a big CGI (Computer-Generated Imagery) fight scene at the end. But what they have is dramatic tension that climaxes in a stirring speech from the lead actor. The speech is the pinnacle of the movie. The speech knocks away all opposition. It is the “drop the mike” moment. But the speech is just as unbelievable as any Hollywood gunfight, car chase, or superhero CGI fight. Because in real life, for a variety of reasons it just wouldn’t happen that way.
Maybe up until now we’ve pictured the moment we talk to our skeptical friends about Jesus as just like an Aaron Sorkin speech. But I’m here to explain why it probably won’t happen that way. That’s because there are basically three scenarios for talking to non-believers about things that matter, such as the gospel. The first scenario is being invited to give a public talk—usually to a “mixed audience” of believers and non-believers. For example, in my work with City Bible Forum in Australia, I often give talks at cafés, pubs, and conference rooms to a variety of audiences, ranging from lawyers, traders, accountants, to high-school students. In this scenario, I can monologue for 20 minutes and then answer whatever questions people ask me afterwards. I do almost 90-100% of the talking, and the audience knows very little about my personal life, apart from what I tell them. I am also in control of the agenda and direction of the conversation. As a result, the talk is a logical progression of ideas in an ordered and coherent argument. And because my talks are advertised as addressing weighty issues, I can spend most of the time talking about important things—values, worldviews, matters of faith, spirituality, and religion.