3. Identity and the Christian Faith
Chloe is a twenty-six year-old woman who has experienced attraction to the same sex since she was age thirteen. For much of her older adolescence she tried on a lesbian identity, but over time she did not experience that identity label as consistent with her religious identity as a Christian. She chose not to identify as lesbian despite having many friends suggest that she would be better off if she just came to terms with who she “really is.” Chloe does not deny that she has strong emotional and sexual attraction to other women, nor does she deny that she has little (if any) sexual attraction toward men. But it’s the identity and labeling part of her life that has been so challenging. She does not have a good word for who she is apart from language that she feels in conflict about because of her Christian identity and values.
The study of multiple aspects of identity is referred to as intersectionality. This term refers to “the manner in which multiple aspects of identity may combine in different ways to construct social reality.”44 When discussed in the multicultural movement, it often refers to the experiences of non-White, non-heterosexual experiences in combination—so African American sexual minorities or Latina sexual minorities. But this experience of “multiple aspects of identity” is quite salient when we look at the relationship between religious and sexual identities as experienced by Christians who are sorting out sexual identity conflicts. Unfortunately, the experience of Christian sexual minorities in particular is often overlooked or even derided within the gay community (and sometimes within the broader culture),45 particularly when Christians do not integrate their experiences of same-sex sexuality into a gay identity. The multicultural movement’s literature refers to this as “intersectional invisibility,” the phenomenon in which those who have “intersecting identities” are “regarded as nonprototypical members of their constituent identity groups.”46 Again, those who do not integrate their experiences into a gay identity are certainly nonprototypical today.
It is important to understand how a person comes to form a prototypical gay identity in light of their attractions to the same sex, and then to reflect on how Christians respond to the question of identity. To understand gay identity, it may be helpful to look at a parallel example that takes us outside of the controversies surrounding homosexuality. Let’s look at political identity—in other words, let’s consider how a person comes to form a political identity. Rogers Smith writes about how a person comes to experience their political identity as who they are as a person.47 To explain it, he identified “ethically constitutive stories” as a central consideration. These refer to “a wide variety of accounts that present membership in a particular group as somehow intrinsic to who its members really are, because of traits that are imbued with ethical significance.”48 Smith’s essay observes that there are both ethnic and civic aspects of identity. Ethnic aspects of identity are the “givens” of existence, while civic aspects are essentially principles a person believes in. Taken together, a person can form a political identity that reflects their sense of self or their sense of something that is intrinsic to who they consider themselves to be.
A gay identity label is a kind of ethically constitutive story insofar as integrating same-sex attractions into a gay identity provides a set of reference points for who one is and how to think about oneself. A gay identity relies on both ethnic and civic aspects, to borrow from the categories Smith uses. The ethnic aspects include experiences of same-sex attraction. For the most part, people do not choose to experience attraction to the same sex;49 rather, they find themselves with these experiences and often report awareness of feeling “different” at a young age and a sense of sexual or emotional attraction to the same sex at puberty. Sexual minorities also experience a civic aspect of identity in that the gay community offers them a compelling sense of who they are as a person in the form of what I have referred to elsewhere as a “gay script.”50
The process of identity development we have been discussing in this essay should be understood in light of this way of understanding gay identity. The sexual minority has experiences that set them apart from others; at least that is how they recall those experiences from childhood. They then find themselves attracted to the same sex at puberty, and these attractions can be both sexual and emotional. Of course, these experiences are run through a kind of filter; they have to be organized in a way that gives them meaning. Frankly, the church has not offered a particularly compelling vision for identity in light of the experiences of sexual minorities. Given the nature of the gay script, the sexual minority attributes their same-sex attraction to a gay identity by adopting the script and making the self-defining attribution, “I am gay.” This is an initial attribution that makes meaning out of the attractions they experience, and it also helps address the need for identity, which is an important developmental stage of adolescence.
Of course, not everyone integrates their experiences of same-sex attraction into a gay identity. This has been well documented in our research and by studies conducted by many others.51 This does not mean that they are heterosexual, but it does mean that they dis-identify with a gay identity. For example, when we asked about identity labels in a small study of Christian sexual minorities, one male interviewed shared how he had “no label” for his sexual identity:
I would say no label because I can’t really say I am straight because I am sexually attracted to men. Not homosexual or gay because I think those are identities and not fact. I refuse to identify as homosexual/gay because I find my identity in Christ and those are not Christ-like identities.52
When an identity outcome is not a “Christ-like” identity, it may be experienced as untenable to some followers of Christ. For some believers, a gay identity is just that, and so they attribute their attractions toward the same sex to other factors, such as the fall. To them, same-sex attraction is a temptation. In fact, this may be one of the most common attributions that undermines a gay script, and it may take a variety of forms. After all, the effects of the fall could be moderated by either nature or nurture, by biological predispositions, childhood experiences, environmental factors, and any number of other considerations.
I mentioned a moment ago that the church has not provided a compelling alternative account for sexual minorities to organize their experiences of attraction to the same sex. In fact, if this is true, it is rather remarkable that some sexual minorities have found a way to organize and make meaning out of their attractions in keeping with a traditional Christian sexual ethic. It is one thing to agree with a traditional Christian sexual ethic and to refrain from same-sex behavior; it is another thing to explore identity development and synthesis in light of that sexual ethic.
Let’s return to Chloe’s experience. Although Chloe had explored same-sex relationships in adolescence, she eventually came to the conclusion that same-sex behavior was against God’s revealed will for sexual expression. That decision and the decision that is in front of her every day as she makes choices in keeping with her values is difficult enough. However, she struggles with the identity aspect, too, in that many people close to her are readily willing to accept her as lesbian but do not quite know how to relate to her when that is not how she experiences or identifies herself—when her values contrast sharply with how others want to frame and organize the topic. It has been hard for Choe to relate to people who are close to her from the gay community but who extend pity to her for choices they do not understand or with which they cannot fully empathize. It has also been hard for Chloe to relate to people in the Christian community who do not see her identifying as heterosexual or capable of offering that testimony of God’s work in her life. In some ways, embracing a gay or lesbian identity may be more accessible to some people and more easily understandable to the communities that would either support or condemn them.
In studies we conducted on sexual identity among Christian sexual minorities, we looked into the differences between groups of Christian sexual minorities who identified as gay and Christian sexual minorities who dis-identified with a gay identity.53 Among the differences were that those who identified as gay were more likely to initially attribute their attractions to the same sex as signaling a gay identity. Of course, when a person thinks that they are gay, they are more likely to respond in ways that confirms that identity, such as seeking out other gay and lesbian persons, engaging in same-sex behavior, finding resources on gay and lesbian issues, and so on. Those who dis-identified with a gay identity were less likely to do these things.
Regarding multiple identity considerations, we conducted a small study of African-American Christian sexual minority males. We were looking at three identity considerations: racial identity, religious identity, and sexual identity.54 When asked about the relationship between these three identities, most identified their Christian identity as primary. In elaborating on a Christian identity as primary or more salient, one person shared, “My Christian identity transcends every other identity and gives it focus and balance.”55
This understanding of different ways of resolving identity conflicts can also be understood with reference to different experiences of congruence. A distinction can be made between organismic congruence and telic congruence.56 Organismic congruence refers to taking cues from one’s own impulses as a guide to shaping identity and behavior. It presumes that such impulses are good and helpful resources in identity formation and personal fulfillment. Indeed, much of contemporary clinical psychology is unwittingly based upon such premises, particularly with the influence of Carl Rogers, the “quiet revolutionary” whose person-centered approach to counseling and therapy dominated the mental health landscape.
But organismic congruence is but one way of achieving congruence. Another way to achieve congruence is telic congruence. Telic congruence looks ahead to who one is becoming. It can consider design and purpose—both here and now and for the future—and it can be reflected in a person’s desire to lay aside or be disciplined in response to impulses in favor of another way of achieving a sense of self, purpose, and identity.
The connection to sexual identity conflicts is that sexual minorities may find many ways to resolve their conflicts and work toward a sense of congruence.57 Some, perhaps most, may respond by assenting to the impulses they experience as moral compasses that point toward a congruence that, in their experience, merely reflects who they are. Their identity (and subsequent behavior) merely recognizes the impulses they experience. Others, perhaps a minority today, may respond to their sexual identity conflicts by looking to who they are supposed to be, who they are becoming, and to form their identity around a congruence found in obedience to that sense of identity.
Of course, there are many ways people may respond to the conflict they experience between their Christian identity and their sexual identity. One of the more common responses to the conflict is to attempt to change sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. This might take the form of a prayer in which the person asks God to remove their attraction to the same sex, much in the same way Paul asked God to remove his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Corinthians 12:7). In fact, many Christian sexual minorities have referenced that passage as instructive regarding how they ought to experience enduring or persistent attraction to the same sex. In any case, there have been a number of Christian ministries that have focused on helping people achieve “freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ.”58 This brings us to a discussion of trajectories that a person chooses for their life in light of their experience of same-sex attraction.