2. Paul and Barnabas: For the Sake of the Gospel
The relationship between Paul and Barnabas is famous for coming to an impasse that forced them to make a difficult decision about how best to proceed in their ministry. Paul meets Barnabas not long after converting to Christianity on the road to Damascus (Acts 9:1–19). Barnabas, the senior and more experienced Christian evangelist, incorporates Paul into his ministry to the church in Antioch. They set out on journeys together across the Mediterranean for the purpose of preaching the Gospel to the Gentiles.
Some time after working to limit the number of requirements placed on newly converted Gentiles at the Council of Jerusalem (Acts 15:1–35), Paul and Barnabas decide to revisit the churches to which they had previously preached. The two evangelists disagree over whether to include John Mark in this, their second missionary journey. While it might be easy to dismiss these two first-century men for what seems to be a petty disagreement, the matters at hand are not trivial.23 Paul and Barnabas held strong and diverging positions about John Mark—Paul that he had proven unreliable and Barnabas that he showed promise in proclaiming the Gospel. They both, however, felt the great calling of God to spread the Good News in the most effective way possible. While according to Acts 15:39, the disagreement itself is the reason for their separation, one can surmise that accompanying this cause was their concern for well-being of their Gospel ministry.
Paul and Barnabas’ friendship was so centered on serving God’s kingdom that even when they went separate ways they found a way to ensure the success of their evangelistic mission (Acts 15:36–41). The episode does not state whether their parting of ways signifies the end of their friendship, nor does it mean that Christian friends should divide or split up every time they have a ministry disagreement. The source of conflict needs to be determined, for there are honorable and dishonorable reasons for which people can separate, just as there are different degrees of separation.24 Separation is more the exception than the rule. Doing God’s kingdom work, when called, is a sufficient reason to take decisive action between friends. Our shared love for God is the highest good that orders the decisions we make within our friendships.
3. Paul and Timothy: Serving the Church
Paul and Timothy share a friendship in which Paul is the mentor to Timothy, his ministry protégé. Paul loved Timothy as a father loves a son and Timothy loved Paul as his own father. The two were in an ordered teacher-student relationship, yet an intimate one in which Paul and Timothy loved each another as brothers in Christ. Paul’s and Timothy’s mutual care for Christ’s church is the driving force of their relationship even to the point of Paul leaving Timothy in charge of the church of Ephesus while he moves on to continue advancing the ministry of the Gospel (1 Tim. 1:2–3; 2 Tim. 3:10–11; Rom. 16:21). The friendship begins with a sense of common purpose, but flourishes when both the student and the teacher are able to love each other in such a way that their friendship recognizes the greater purpose of the kingdom of God.
4. Ruth and Naomi: Perseverance and Commitment
People need the presence and love of others in their darkest hours. Friendship is often one of the most important means for sustenance in times of difficulty. The bond of friendship can outlast the harshest trials. The narrative of the book of Ruth begins with the death of all the men of a family, leaving the matron Naomi and her two daughters-in-law to fend for themselves in a patriarchal society in which widows without family support were usually destitute. Ruth, the daughter-in-law and Naomi, her mother-in-law, endure tremendous suffering in the death of their loved ones and in the ensuing conditions of their lives. Naomi was far from home in Moab and both her daughters-in-law were without husbands. Not surprisingly, they were unsure how to proceed.
Throughout the story, Ruth and Naomi’s devotion to the Lord and their commitment to one another enable them to endure desperate circumstances in a God-honoring way. For example, when Naomi determines to return to Judah and release Ruth and Orpah to their parents so that they can remarry, “Ruth’s strong character is shown in her insistence to stay with Naomi and also in Naomi’s realization that there was no point in arguing with Ruth.”25 Ruth shows commitment, perseverance, and initiative as she seeks to be a friend to Naomi and a faithful servant of God.
While Ruth remains steadfast throughout the narrative, Naomi only gradually comes to realize the significance of Ruth’s commitment to her. She nearly fails to understand the love Ruth has for her and the friend Ruth has been to her. The uncertainty of her future and the grave doubt she experienced clouded her vision so that she was not able to see that in the aftermath of losing her husband and sons, God was loving her through Ruth.26
The story of Ruth’s and Naomi’s relationship shows that loving a person with self-abandon can lead to perseverance through suffering and even a kind of personal renewal. Ruth’s constant, though at times unreciprocated, love shows how being a friend to someone without requiring love from them can change that person’s life and contribute to engendering their love for God.
5. Mary and Martha: Keeping Right Focus
Mary and Martha, sisters of Lazarus and friends of Jesus, are depicted in the Gospels as living together in Bethany near Jerusalem (Jn. 11:1). In Luke 10, Jesus and his disciples pay them a visit. The response of the two women to Jesus’ presence among them is strikingly different. While Mary focuses all her attention on Jesus and his teaching, Martha prioritizes her role as a host, placing the impressions and comfort of her guests before her love for God.27 The point is not that hospitality is unimportant. Martha’s mistake is that she puts the lower good of hosting above the highest good, God. On the other hand, seeking the kingdom of God by reclining at the feet of Jesus is Mary’s way of putting her love for God before her concern for temporal goods such as hosting and hospitality. While Jesus is not telling Martha not to serve her neighbors in love; he is teaching her that she is called to love God first, to love her Creator and Lord before his creatures and creation.