Male and Female in the Created Order
We need to remember that because sex is a part of the Created Order, we cannot hope to understand it on its own, but only when we have some grasp of its place within a wider moral order. Genesis 1 offers us a foundational matrix for understanding humankind. The creation of human beings (Genesis 1:26–31) is a crucial part of the placing of Order in creation. For human beings are made in the image and likeness of God so as to exercise “dominion” over the Created Order, while being in their own nature a part of that Order. The reason human beings are given this unique dignity of being created in the image of God is that they may fulfill the task of responsible dominion (Genesis 1:26, 28). In this context of task, humanity is created “male and female” (Genesis 1:27). And in this context humanity is blessed with the possibility of procreation, to “fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). Human sexuality is to be understood within this matrix of meaning, encompassing human dignity (in the image of God) and human task (exercising dominion). Within the Order of Creation, humankind is placed uniquely with a dual orientation. On the one hand, towards the Creator, humankind is given moral responsibility; on the other, towards creation, they are entrusted with a task. Holding these together is the key to the purpose of sex.
Sex and Human Stewardship over Creation
Why did God make us like this? In the context of Genesis 1, humans are made to rule a world that is already teeming with living creatures, a world that is abundantly fecund, but that will be out of control unless it is ruled. How may we fulfill this task? We also, like the sub-human living creatures, need to “be fruitful and multiply” so that there will be sufficient human beings to exercise responsible dominion. We need to procreate children who will share our likeness just as Seth shared Adam’s likeness (Genesis 5:3) and therefore be God-like creatures suitable for stewarding God’s world. Although this likeness is flawed and spoiled by human disobedience, it is still true to say that human beings must multiply as God-like creatures, as the Bible continues to affirm after Noah’s flood (Genesis 9:1–7).
The emphasis in Genesis 1 is on procreation in order to fulfill the task of dominion. Sex is for the purpose of having children so that these children will share with us in the privilege and task of caring for God’s world. When the creation story is told in a complementary way in Genesis 2, it seems there is a shift of emphasis from procreation to relationship. I suppose that Genesis 2:18–25 is the most famous of all Bible passages about sex and marriage. God says that it is not good for Adam to be alone (Genesis 2:18). He brings him the animals to name as an expression of his stewardship over them, but no suitable helper was found for Adam (Genesis 2:20). So God puts Adam in a deep sleep and creates the woman Eve from his rib. Eve, unlike the animals, is Adam’s own bone and flesh, his own kind, his own family, a suitable helper for him. Adam rejoices in the poem of verse 23. This Creation narrative lays the foundation for marriage: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19:5 and by Paul in Ephesians 5:31 and 1 Corinthians 6:16).
It is, however, dangerous to read this passage out of its context. The theologian Karl Barth read this passage as a warm affirmation of the primacy of intimate relationship over procreational task in marriage. Barth argues passionately that “the Old Testament Magna Carta of humanity” is to be found not in the high Old Testament valuation of procreation but rather in the relational delight of Genesis 2:18–25 echoed in the Song of Songs.30 The purpose of sex, he implied, is delight and joy in relationship rather than having children. We shall see that this is a false antithesis.
As twenty-first-century people, we tend to respond to the words “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) like this:
Ah, poor Adam was lonely. There he was in that lovely garden in Eden, and he was all on his own with no one to talk to, no one to have “a relationship” with. A pet dog, cat, cow, or goldfish did not meet his relational needs. God will give him a wife so he will not be lonely anymore.
Sex and marriage solve the problem of human loneliness, it is suggested.
But this misunderstands the meaning of verse 18 and the purpose of sex. As we shall see, the consequences of this misunderstanding in contemporary society are disastrous. Let us reexamine verse 18 in the context of Genesis 2. This section of Genesis begins with a portrait of a world that is badly in need of a farmer or gardener: “there was no human being to work the ground” (Genesis 2:6). God makes Adam in Genesis 2:7 because the world needs a gardener, namely, someone to steward and care for it. So we read in verse 15, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it” (emphasis added). There is Adam in this wonderful garden or parkland entrusted with the privilege and task of looking after it. In this context we are told in verse 18 that God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” The natural reading is not that Adam experienced relational loneliness (he may have, he may not, but it’s not the point), but rather that he had been entrusted with a task that was too big for him to do on his own. This is why God goes on to say, “I will make a helper.” Had he been lonely, he would not have needed a helper, but a companion, a friend, a lover. He is given a helper because he needs help to do the task with which he has been entrusted.
In what way will the woman help with the task? Genesis 2 does not tell us. But it is natural to include the procreation and nurture of children, which has been so emphatic in Genesis 1, where humankind has been given the blessing and exhortation to “be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it.” So presumably one way the woman helps the man is by enabling the procreation, birth, and nurture of children. Not only is the garden too big for Adam to look after on his own; it is too big for Adam and Eve to look after on their own.
So Genesis 1 and 2 suggest to us that both the procreational and the relational purposes of sex come under the wider purpose of serving God by caring for his world. There is certainly delight and intimacy in Genesis 2.31 Here is a natural and innocent affirmation of sexual desire and delight, of nakedness untouched by shame. But this delight is not an end in itself. On the contrary, here is delight with a shared purpose, intimacy with a common goal, and companionship in a task that expands beyond the boundaries of the couple’s relationship on its own. As we rejoice with the lovers in the garden, we must not forget that there is work to be done. The garden needs tilling, weeding, watching. The purpose of sex is not ultimately their mutual delight, wonderful though that is. It is that the woman should be just the helper the man needs so that together they may serve and watch the garden.
We may summarize the argument so far by saying that the purpose of sex is the service of God in his world rather than the meeting of my needs.
Friendship: The Remedy for Loneliness
Lest I overstate my case, it is worth digressing for a moment to agree that human beings are deeply relational, that in the absence of relationships we do experience loneliness, and that the Bible fully recognizes this. My point is not to deny our need for companionship, but to deny that sexual intimacy is the only or the necessary way in which loneliness may be alleviated. The Bible has a great deal to say about the longings of the human heart, but it is very striking to see how very rarely sex has anything to do with these longings being met. Almost all the Bible passages that speak warmly about human love do so in contexts where sexual intimacy is absent. God’s remedy for human loneliness, according to the Bible, is not necessarily sexual intimacy, but friendship and fellowship.32
Part of the problem in western societies may be that adults who are unmarried are very likely to live on their own rather than share accommodation either with other unmarried people or with a married couple. Loneliness is epitomized by coming back at the end of the day to an empty house or apartment. It is not so much the empty bed as the empty living space that deepens loneliness. We want sexual intimacy, but we forget that much if not all of our human desire for companionship can be met by shared meals, conversation, laughter, activities enjoyed together, and relaxation in the company of others we trust.